the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
