I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
