More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
