My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
