As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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