perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
