you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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