dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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