Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
