Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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