I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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