Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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