Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
