Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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