I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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