I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
