I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
