kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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