Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
