Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
