he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
