its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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