why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
