Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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