I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
