Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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