we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
