today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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