Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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