I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
