I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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