he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
