I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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