why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
