So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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