the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
