Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
