Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?

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  (573): So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number? http://tfl.nu/mc1r
  Replies (16) Good night (910) Bad night (4936)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.

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  (708): I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off. http://tfl.nu/ln09
  Replies (8) Good night (3167) Bad night (1632)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots

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  (905): Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots http://tfl.nu/aobh
  Replies (14) Good night (2895) Bad night (1824)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.

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  (914): He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash. http://tfl.nu/xg6e
  Replies (9) Good night (3377) Bad night (872)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER

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  (203): THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER http://tfl.nu/gk2q
  Replies (7) Good night (1210) Bad night (3098)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.

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  (469): on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers. http://tfl.nu/kub0
  Replies (3) Good night (2256) Bad night (912)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.

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  (610): He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house. http://tfl.nu/tthj
  Replies (3) Good night (1888) Bad night (839)
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  (818): View more from California

  I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.

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  (818): I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. http://tfl.nu/hxik
  Replies (10) Good night (1010) Bad night (1702)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia

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  (815): Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia http://tfl.nu/lbzr
  Replies (2) Good night (1778) Bad night (826)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick

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  (774): Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick http://tfl.nu/t99o
  Replies (6) Good night (2344) Bad night (826)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.

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  (304): No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me. http://tfl.nu/xahh
  Replies (10) Good night (2428) Bad night (631)
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  (805): View more from California

  The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.

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  (805): The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out. http://tfl.nu/nl9o
  Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (912)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."

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  (405): Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin." http://tfl.nu/pbfg
  Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (505)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me

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  (970): my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me http://tfl.nu/zptz
  Replies (1) Good night (748) Bad night (392)
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  (873): View more from

  I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.

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  (873): I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning. http://tfl.nu/7r93
  Replies (5) Good night (196) Bad night (529)

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