He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
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Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.