Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.