john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
