so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
