Whoa Z and x make the same sound
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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