I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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