Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
