Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So much rum. So many feels.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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