I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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