People in love make me want to vomit
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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