what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
