Plan B is the new Plan A
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
