oh god the rape fog is back!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
