ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
