He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
