we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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