"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
