Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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