He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
