I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
