I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
