There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
