Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
