So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
