She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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