As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well you can't waste a boner
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
