another moral hangover. fuck.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
