We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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