Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
