I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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