drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
