Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
