She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
