Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
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