the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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