If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
