Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
we're so committed to being not committed
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