U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There's even glitter on my cock...
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