Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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