im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
