1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
